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11th September 2013: The world's gone mad and I'm the only one who knows
13th August 2013: Black is white. Fact. End of.
11th August 2013: Electric cars, not as green as they're painted?
18th June 2013: Wrinklies unite, you have nothing to lose but your walking frames!
17th May 2013: Some actual FACTS about climate change (for a change) from actual scientists ...
10th May 2013: An article about that poison gas, carbon dioxide, and other scientific facts (not) ...
10th May 2013: We need to see past the sex and look at the crimes: is justice being served?
8th May 2013: So, who would you trust to treat your haemorrhoids, Theresa May?
8th May 2013: Why should citizens in the 21st Century fear the law so much?
30th April 2013: What the GOS says today, the rest of the world realises tomorrow ...
30th April 2013: You couldn't make it up, could you? Luckily you don't need to ...
29th April 2013: a vote for NONE OF THE ABOVE, because THE ABOVE are crap ...
28th April 2013: what goes around, comes around?
19th April 2013: everyone's a victim these days ...
10th April 2013: Thatcher is dead; long live Thatcher!
8th April 2013: Poor people are such a nuisance. Just give them loads of money and they'll go away ...
26th March 2013: Censorship is alive and well and coming for you ...
25th March 2013: Just do your job properly, is that too much to ask?
25th March 2013: So, what do you think caused your heterosexuality?
20th March 2013: Feminists - puritans, hypocrites or just plain stupid?
18th March 2013: How Nazi Germany paved the way for modern governance?
13th March 2013: Time we all grew up and lived in the real world ...
12th March 2013: Hindenburg crash mystery solved? - don't you believe it!
6th March 2013: Is this the real GOS?
5th March 2013: All that's wrong with taxes
25th February 2013: The self-seeking MP who is trying to bring Britain down ...
24th February 2013: Why can't newspapers just tell the truth?
22nd February 2013: Trial by jury - a radical proposal
13th February 2013: A little verse for two very old people ...
6th February 2013: It's not us after all, it's worms
6th February 2013: Now here's a powerful argument FOR gay marriage ...
4th February 2013: There's no such thing as equality because we're not all the same ...
28th January 2013: Global Warming isn't over - IT'S HIDING!
25th January 2013: Global Warmers: mad, bad and dangerous to know ...
25th January 2013: Bullying ego-trippers, not animal lovers ...
19th January 2013: We STILL haven't got our heads straight about gays ...
16th January 2013: Bullying ego-trippers, not animal lovers ...
11th January 2013: What it's like being English ...
7th January 2013: Bleat, bleat, if it saves the life of just one child ...
7th January 2013: How best to put it? 'Up yours, Argentina'?
7th January 2013: Chucking even more of other people's money around ...
6th January 2013: Chucking other people's money around ...
30th December 2012: The BBC is just crap, basically ...
30th December 2012: We mourn the passing of a genuine Grumpy Old Sod ...
30th December 2012: How an official body sets out to ruin Christmas ...
16th December 2012: Why should we pardon Alan Turing when he did nothing wrong?
15th December 2012: When will social workers face up to their REAL responsibility?
15th December 2012: Unfair trading by a firm in Bognor Regis ...
14th December 2012: Now the company that sells your data is pretending to act as watchdog ...
7th December 2012: There's a war between cars and bikes, apparently, and  most of us never noticed!
26th November 2012: The bottom line - social workers are just plain stupid ...
20th November 2012: So, David Eyke was right all along, then?
15th November 2012: MPs don't mind dishing it out, but when it's them in the firing line ...
14th November 2012: The BBC has a policy, it seems, about which truths it wants to tell ...
12th November 2012: Big Brother, coming to a school near you ...
9th November 2012: Yet another celebrity who thinks, like Jimmy Saville, that he can behave just as he likes because he's famous ...
5th November 2012: Whose roads are they, anyway? After all, we paid for them ...
7th May 2012: How politicians could end droughts at a stroke if they chose ...
6th May 2012: The BBC, still determined to keep us in a fog of ignorance ...
2nd May 2012: A sense of proportion lacking?
24th April 2012: Told you so, told you so, told you so ...
15th April 2012: Aah, sweet ickle polar bears in danger, aah ...
15th April 2012: An open letter to Anglian Water ...
30th March 2012: Now they want to cure us if we don't believe their lies ...
28th February 2012: Just how useful is a degree? Not very.
27th February 2012: ... so many ways to die ...
15th February 2012: DO go to Jamaica because you definitely WON'T get murdered with a machete. Ms Fox says so ...
31st January 2012: We don't make anything any more
27th January 2012: There's always a word for it, they say, and if there isn't we'll invent one
26th January 2012: Literary criticism on GOS? How posh!
12th December 2011: Plain speaking by a scientist about the global warming fraud
9th December 2011: Who trusts scientists? Apart from the BBC, of course?
7th December 2011: All in all, not a good week for British justice ...
9th November 2011: Well what d'you know, the law really IS a bit of an ass ...

 

 
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Baroness Sarah Ludford, the Liberal Democrat MEP for London, was the second Wanker of the Week we ever had, for her incredible stupidity over the affair of Foxy Ken Livingspoon and the Jewish journalist.
 

 
Well, now she's at it again, and thereby wins for herself the great distinction of being the first person to be Wanker of the Week twice.
 
Her problem is not so much her political views, which are absurd but not as unusual as all that. No, her real problem is that she just isn't very bright.
 
As her previous award showed, she doesn't understand the English language very well. And this time she demonstrates a particularly feminine failure to grasp simple concepts like cause-and-effect (look, if you turn the steering wheel this way, the front of the car goes that way …), or non sequitur (yes dear, I know Hitler had a moustache but it doesn't mean that all men with moustaches are demagogues. No, dear, a demagogue isn't half a synagogue. No, it's not two monologues put together, either …).
 
Writing this week on the readers' letters page of the Daily Mail (why? For God's sake, why?) Baroness Ludford gathered both her brain cells together and attempted to savage Jeremy Clarkson …
 
"Jeremy Clarkson might have won the backing of more than 30,000 people in a petition calling for him to be Prime Minister but he seems to be confused about Europe.
 
He's quoted as insisting that Britain 'withdraw from the EU', but on the same day he demanded 'the same plug sockets in all countries in the EU'."

 
Well, Baroness, I'm glad you cleared that up for us. You are, after all, a member of the European parliament so I suppose you ought to know. If we leave the EU we will not be allowed to use the same electric sockets as member countries, is that it? How will that work? If we make a unilateral change and adopt those stupid little two-pin jobbies, all the EU countries will overnight start using three-pin plugs just to spite us?
 
And is that what the EU is all about, Baroness MEP? Electric plugs? What a sad little life you must lead.
 
And our Jeremy, what of him? Are you suggesting that because he wants us to leave the EU he isn't entitled to have any other opinions about it? Isn't that a bit like saying that because we're opposed to speed cameras, we're not allowed to mention them round the dinner table? Conversation in your house must be a bit odd ...
 
"Mmm, nice meal, my dear. The lamb is very tender."
 
"I thought you had issues over EU farming subsidies?"
 
"Oh yes, sorry. Forget I mentioned the lamb. What have you got on this weekend?"
 
"I can't tell you. It may affect my carbon footprint, so obviously .. you know. Least said, soonest mended."
 
"Mmm, of course. Quite understand. More wine?"
 
"Oh really! Don't you know my views about underage binge drinking? Oh go on, then, just a small one ..."

 
And how galling it must be for you to realise that there is this entertainer, a mere motoring journalist, who 30,000 people have actually heard of. I wonder how many people reading this page would know who the hell you were, if I hadn't told 'em?
 

 
The GOS says: If you have any questions about the vital matter of electric sockets, Baroness Ludford's obviously the girl to ask. I think she does a bit of plumbing as well. Her address is 36b St Peter's Street, London N1 8JT, telephone 020 7288 2526, Email office@sarahludfordmep.org.uk. Her website is at www.sarahludfordmep.org.uk, and browsing round it you find that she does quite often talk some sense. For a woman politician, anyway. Which makes it all the more risible when she commits bloopers like …
 
"understanding and integration is a two-way street" (no it aren't - GOS)
 
"Over two million cats and dogs are killed in the Far East each year to supply the market with cheap fur … in order to maintain the quality of the fur, extremely cruel methods are used to kill these animals, including gassing, neck breaking, electrocution ... " (and an un-cruel method would be …? - GOS)
 

 

 
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